we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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