So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
