she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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