the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Everyone says I win the strip club
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
