He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
