fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
