you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
