about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We are two peas in an std pod
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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