I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
try to milk me bitch
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
