Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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