You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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