I don't think brook has ever known best
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
