i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
