Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
