i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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