You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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