dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
