I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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