You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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