Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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