i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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