We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
