Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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