my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
