I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
