did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
