I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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