worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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