Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
