I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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