sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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