She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Someone shattered a urinal.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
