she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
