God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
