and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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