A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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