go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
