Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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