Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
