when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
