Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
