and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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