I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
