i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
