I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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