just tell him i said nine months
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
