Umm I'm too high to move.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
