I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
