You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
