I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
