btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
