i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
