What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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