He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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