I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
