I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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