If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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