So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
