I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
