I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I intend to get homeless drunk
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
