i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
