oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
