how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
