I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
