return my video game
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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