I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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