So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
