Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
