Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
