You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
