I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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