I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
