have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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