they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
