Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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