Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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