Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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