Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
