well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
