I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
